ready or not February 10, 2008

“thank God every morning when you get up that you have something to do that day which must be done. whether you like it or not.”…charles kingsley

monday morning will come.  despite  never getting around to doing any laundry or the fact that last week was too long and this weekend too short.  monday morning will come.  the alarm will go off and i’ll have things to do, places to be, people who will expect me to show up.  the other thing that never fails each monday is that whether it’s standing in line at starbucks or walking into work, someone is grumbling about it being monday morning.  and while i fully understand the sometimes dreadful feeling that monday morning can bring, the disappointment when you realize that you can’t hit the snooze “just one more time”, or the hesitation in your voice just before acknowledging that you’ll have to have that coffee to go, there is also a bit of comfort in it for me.  thank God, that i have somewhere to be, something to do, a reason to exist, for without it … well, monday would just be another day in a string of blurry, gray, meaningless days.

these days February 10, 2008

she liked grande allegro best.  it required all of her, every ounce of energy she had left after a long tiring class that had already taken everything she thought she had.  but, she loved grande allegro.  how warm her body felt, how her muscles all came together to allow her to propell her weight into the air, flying, suspended at the very top for just a moment, and then finally landing gracefully back on her feet.  some classes, some days even, knowing that she had the strength to soar like that, even when her body felt like collapsing, was all that she needed to keep going.  hell, some days it was all that she needed to get out of bed and begin at all.  the only problem was that these days she couldn’t remember the last time she had made it through a grande allegro and wasn’t sure that she still could.  she wanted to remember.  but some things have to be felt in your body, not just imagined up in your head somewhere. the problem was, she wasn’t supposed to be in a ballet class and a grande allegro isn’t exactly something you can do between appointments where all you do is sit on couches.  she was beginning to realize why it was she didn’t have a couch of her own.  she’d had had enough of couches these days.

wanted to know February 10, 2008

she wanted to know what would happen if you tried to run a car on empty.  she’d never quite let it get that low and she wondered if it stopped right a way or if it would coast on fumes and luck for a bit before puttering out completly.  she had never had much faith in luck, but still she wanted to know.